Defining Anticipation

Two years ago, I graduated from high school. I had always known it was going to happen, but it wasn't really reality until graduation parties and college orientations started. Even then, I couldn't really picture life outside of high school. I had heard all sorts of things about what college was going to be like, but as much as I tried, trying to picture myself in that place didn't work. Once I got here, it was like I left reality and entered someone else's life. It just wasn't the same. Of course, after a few weeks, it became the norm for me. It didn't take long to feel as if I had always shared a room with a stranger, finished classes at 8pm, ate taco bell for dinner with whoever I happened to find in the Hangar, and spent weekends sleeping on someone else's floor because I was too lazy to walk down 6 flights of stairs.
Seventeen days from now, I leave the country. I've known it was going to happen since I said "yes" to Jesus 10 years ago, but it wasn't really reality until I applied for the internship this summer. Even after my application was approved and I began fundraising, it still felt like a distant dream. This past weekend was like the "graduation parties and college orientation" stage for me. Friday, I finished up my shopping for this summer. Saturday, I packed the majority of my stuff for storage over the summer. Sunday, I reached 100% of my budget. I know I'm going to the Philippines; that thought has been stuck at the front of my brain all day. It's there no matter what I'm doing. What I don't know is what being in another country is going to look like. I have no idea how to picture myself anywhere but here. Will it be like I left reality and entered someone else's life again? Probably. Will it become the norm for me after a few weeks? Probably. When I return, will I be able to finish the sentence, "It didn't take long to feel as if I had always..."? Of course.
Once I'm there, it'll all flow smoothly. It's getting to that point that's hard. I was going to say it's like a kid all bundled up in his snow pants and puffy jacket, carrying a sled, and climbing a steep hill, but then I decided it's more like waiting in line for  an exhilarating roller coaster at an amusement park on the hottest and busiest day of the summer. There's nothing you can do but wait. You can't do anything to make the line move faster; you can't jump ahead to the front of the line. It's not even that long of a wait; it just feels like eternity because there's nothing else to do. Then, because there's nothing else to do, you stand there and stare at the roller coaster and begin to doubt if you really want to get on it at all. Yes, it looks thrilling, but what if it breaks down? What if you get stuck hanging upside down? What if your seat belt comes unlatched? So while you're standing in the hot, sweltering sun trying not to be impatient, there's a war going on in your head. You know once you get to the end of that line, you're still going to step into that roller coaster no matter what concerns have managed to fight their way to the front of your mind, but for some reason, the thoughts still pop into your consciousness every once in a while making you even more uncomfortable. Yet, no matter how uncomfortable it is, you know that if you want to make the day worth it, you only have one option. So you wait. That's where I'm at right now.