From Here to the Unknown

I know it's been quite a while since I've posted here, mostly because this blog was designed for my trip to the Philippines and that is long over. But, now that I'm in a time of transition once again, I've been thinking about how I'm still taking tiny steps on a long journey. Sometimes, transition is hard. Very hard. I moved so much as a child that I thought I was a professional transition-er. To be honest, I might have been. But I wasn't living life. I could go day-to-day with no attachments. I learned to be independent, to not need people. And it was a miserable existence. Looking back, it wasn't worth the lack of pain when it came time to move on. But I didn't know how else to do it.
When I cam to college, it was just another transition. But this time, I didn't remain unattached. I found life. I found family. I found people who didn't judge me. I found grace beyond what I thought was possible. After years of hiding behind thick, impermeable walls, I began to discover who I really am. I began to discover the joy and intimacy of real relationship. I began to discover life the way God had originally intended it.
Now, here I am, in a time of transition once again. It doesn't feel good. In fact, to be completely honest with you, it sucks. I hate it with all of my being. I don't want to leave this place or these people. I've settled down here. I've let myself develop relational roots. But today, I let God speak to my heart. As much as the people here have been conduits of everything good I've found in community, the ultimate source of all of it has been God, my Father. He's the one who brought me here. He's the one who slowly softened my heart to be open with people and develop real relationships. He is the source of every good thing in my life. As much as I'm scared, I know I can trust Him.
Today, as I spent time with Him, He gave me a clear picture of where I am right now. When the Israelites left Egypt, all they could see was the good behind them and the unknown in front of them. Their attitudes and complaining landed them lots of extra time in transition. Had they trusted God and where He was taking them, the time of transition would have been so much smoother and quicker than what they experienced. I don't want to be like the Israelites any longer. I don't want to be stubborn. I want to accept what God has for me and trust that He is taking me to good places. I honestly don't know what that looks like, but I'm expecting Him to teach me. Maybe someday, I'll be able to live life the way He intended AND transition well.