What If? - Looking back through God's eyes

My junior year of college was a tough season. I was dealing with severe depression and anxiety for a good part of the school year. When I look back on that year, the events and experiences are usually tainted with memories of bad decisions rooted in guilt, selfishness, and lies. Mostly, I've hated thinking about that season of my life. However, recent conversations have forced me to look back at the most excruciating moments of that season. 

Because of this recent reflection, I've realized that as long as I view those months through the lenses of regret, they will be nothing more than a breeding ground for hurt, fear, and distrust. Yet, somehow, beyond my understanding, God has recently allowed me to view the situation through His eyes. He sees through lenses of love, with absolutely no regret. While regret clouded my understanding, His love does just the opposite - it clarifies everything. Where regret has bred hurt, fear, and mistrust, love replaces those things with grace, patience, and understanding. I've always heard the "What If" question is dangerous, and I've discovered that is dangerous when I'm looking through the lenses of regret. But I've also discovered that it actually brings joy when I'm looking through the lenses of love.

Why? 

Because when I'm looking through regret, everything is about me in that moment. There's nothing I can do to change that. It doesn't matter how much regret I have, I am incapable of changing the past. 

When I'm looking through God's love though, everything is different. It's no longer about me in that moment, but instead the people I love and cherish now. This doesn't make sense from a human's point of view, but when God's added to the picture, it does.

How so? 

Because the God I serve is a God of RESTORATION. 

What if I wasn't suffering major depression through those months and had made different choices? 

My relationship with God would be just as strong as it is now because He has already restored it. 

My relationships with certain friends wouldn't look any different than they do now because He has restored them. 

My understanding of who I am in Christ would be the same because He has restored it. 

I'm not saying everything is perfect. There are still areas of my life and relationships that are in the restoration process, but I'm not fearful of what they'll become due to my choices a year-and-a-half ago. Instead, I'm excited about what they will become because I trust the One doing the restoration.