“If any of you wants
to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross,
and follow Me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you
give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you
gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your
soul?” - Jesus
Following Jesus can be risky. It’s definitely
not always easy. And it most certainly always requires exorbitant amounts of
trust on my part. There are times when I think I’d much rather throw in the
towel and forget about this whole “I’ll go wherever you go” thing. There are days
when I question my ability to hear God’s voice. Sometimes I think I’m just
making all this crazy stuff up in my head with no understanding of who God
really is or what He’s really doing. Sometimes, I even wonder if it’s worth it,
all the effort and work that has to be put into some of the things He asks me
to do.
“Life would be so much simpler if I just
got a job and worked full time this summer. I could save up for my future. I
could live in the same city as my boyfriend for almost 4 months. While we’re at
it, I could forget this whole living in a dorm thing and move into a nice
apartment next year. Actually, I could just forget this whole school thing and
go get a grown-up job – or at the very least study something more enjoyable.”
Sometimes these things are
tempting. It’s easy to let my mind wander into considering my other options,
into thinking about what could be. And on the surface, these things all sound
appealing. But deep down, I know they’ll leave me feeling empty. I can
make whatever decisions I want, but as soon as I move my eyes to myself and prioritize
my own desires, life becomes empty, boring, and frustrating. I can take
the easy way out - but that’s not the way I want to live. To be completely
honest, I don’t say this because I am so dedicated to God I can perfectly trust
Him in all situations and matters. It’s not even that I am so sold out to Him
I’ll unquestioningly obey His every direction immediately. Oh, how I wish that
was the case! How I long for that kind of dedication!
In reality, the truth is that I
like living a risky life; I like not-boring. I like giving God the chance to do
something crazy with a situation that seems so counter-intuitive. Maybe I think
this way because I've seen it over and over again. Here’s my science-brain
speaking: He asks me to do something, I do it, crazy cool stuff happens; So the
next time He asks me to do something, I’m going to do it! I don’t know what I
would do if crazy-cool stuff stopped happening when I obeyed. I hope that’s
never the case. But if it is, I hope I would continue to obey. To be honest
though, right now, my motivation for obedience – even when it gets tough – is out of a
desire to see Him do something with me. I am not okay with living a
boring life that amounts to nothing. I resolve that I will obey so that people
will know Jesus, people will be filled with the Spirit, my life will be better,
and my relationships will be richer. I say this because I have learned that ultimately,
my fulfillment is in Christ; I am most satisfied when He is made known through me.
Update on my trip:
So far I've raised $2,040 of the $4,500 that I need to travel this summer. My next target is $3,000 by March 28th. However, my immediate goal is to raise $210 ASAP in order to reach 50% of my budget. Doing so will allow me to finalize my itinerary & purchase a plane ticket.
Thank you to everyone who has already contributed! I am truly thankful to have such generous friends!!! If you'd like to know more about my trip, please e-mail me.
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